The secret to true closeness with your childDec 22, 2020
Last year, my teenager started lying... a lot. We had always had a very open relationship with no need for deceit, so these lies were devastating and confusing. I felt like I was losing him and had done something to cause it.
Each time I discovered a lie, I would sit down to talk with him - Why did he lie? Could he see that he was losing trust and integrity and hurting everyone? Our conversations were long, tearful, pleading, apologetic, and totally USELESS. Actually, they were worse than useless; those talks, not his lying, were the REAL reason I was losing my son.
The more I felt him slip away, the more I searched for a response that would both fix the problem AND preserve my connection with him. But fixing and connecting are two different things that can’t be achieved at once.
True discipline needs to be action, not words. And genuine connection is only possible when your communication has no agenda. By trying to discipline my son through my words, I was totally undermining my relationship with him AND perpetuating his misbehavior!
Imagine a totally free-flowing dialogue with your child. In this moment you're not trying to persuade them, change them or prevent anything - you're simply communicating because you love them and want to be with them.
This kind of closeness is only possible when we separate discipline from communication. Discipline through action takes care of consequences and boundaries, which frees up our conversations for deep connection and nothing more.
Our conversations cease being about raising our child, and become solely about loving our child.
Remembering this completely stopped the tailspin I was in with my son. Now I have a clear course of action with boundaries and consequences whenever he lies, which has curbed the behavior quickly. More importantly, we are rebuilding our relationship in big ways. Now when we talk, I can be connected and present while he goes through the rollercoaster of adolescence. Our conversations don't need to be about his behavior, because I already address that in disciplining him.
Just like my clients, I needed outside help to get back on track with my son and get out of my own pain and limited perspective. I relied on my coach, my training and my community, which is exactly what I give to moms in the Ann Kaplan Parenting Group
- Weekly direct coaching,
- A powerful parenting course, and
- A community of badass women supporting each other.
This group is designed to elevate your parenting and support you through the ups and downs of motherhood, for life! If you are ready to learn skills to change your child's behavior while deepening your relationship with them, this group is perfect for you and I can't wait to see you there. None of us (including me!) can do this mom thing alone, and we don’t have to!
Enrollment is open now. Coaching begins in January. Use promo code earlybird until January 1st to receive special pricing.