Choosing NOT to flip outMay 25, 2021
Hey parenting people!
During the MomCalm workshop, I talked about how a regular mindfulness practice translates into a real difference in stressful situations with our kids. Are you surprised to hear that this idea was met with a bit of skepticism? Me neither ;)
3 minutes of morning mindfulness won’t change things when sh*t hits the fan. That’s just facts.
Wrong. Here’s an example from real life: A client this week was describing a stressful situation with her 4-year-old during a big family gathering at a restaurant. Her daughter was tantruming about food, wanting to sit with grandma, having to wait, you get the idea.
She described how she felt: “My kid is going nuts, my whole family is watching, there are other restaurant patrons, it’s raining so I can’t put her outside, I can’t put her in time out...I’m in panic mode.”
But...she didn’t panic. Instead, she took a deep breath, turned to another adult and said, “I’m going to figure this out but I just need a sec to cool off first.” and left the table.
When she came back, she picked up her daughter and walked with her to the car saying, “Looks like we need to spend some time by ourselves. We’ll come back when we’re ready.” They returned to the table a few minutes later and the rest of the meal went great.
Why did this mom choose not to panic? Because she remembered she HAD a choice! When most of us are riled up, zero part of us thinks “this is optional.” We have a lie in our heads: I can’t calm down. This is an emergency.
But a few months ago this mom decided to begin a daily 3-minute breath practice and it changed the way she sees these moments.
What we’re talking about with mindfulness is really just the act of regularly proving to yourself that you have the capacity for calm within you. Doing this in down moments starts to change that story about your ability to calm down. It debunks the lie that you have no choice. The more experience you have re-regulating, the harder that lie is to believe.
Obviously, this mom isn’t going to drop into deep meditation in the midst of a parenting snafu, but she doesn’t need to. Her story has shifted: her story changed from, “I can’t calm down,” to, “I know I can choose calm; I do it all the time!”
This practice doesn’t make you perfect. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you always WILL choose calm. You will sometimes choose calm.
Eventually, you will usually choose calm. You will calm quickly even if you lose your cool at first. And pretty soon you’ll be coming to your coaching calls totally amazed at yourself for the peace you’re bringing to parenting that you didn’t know you had inside all along.
Ready to give it a try? Book a free Discovery Call and let’s talk about what’s holding you back from choosing calm, and what we can do about it!
Book it here and let’s get going!