No Victim - No Crime

If there's no victim, there's no crime. 

This week, I’ve invited a fellow coach, Allison Gilmore, to share a story about the victim mentality and getting unstuck from this kind of thinking. I met Allison at an IPEC coach training, and when she told this story to our cohort, I knew right away that I wanted to share it with you, so enjoy...

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“Salem Police non-emergency, how can I assist you?"

"Hello. My name is Allison, and I think I need to report a crime."

"Ok. Can you explain what has occurred?"

"I work for a local medical practice, and we had a patient hit another patient's car and then take off. We got the license plate and details of the car that took off, but the patient who was hit does not want to report it. Since the patient is not going to file a report, and since it happened on our property, as a business, are we obligated to submit a report?"

"To be clear, the individual who was hit does NOT want to report the incident, correct?"

"Yes."

"Well, that is his choice not to report the incident. And, if it is not reported, then there is technically no victim. And if there is no victim, then there is no crime."

"So, that's it??"

“That's it."

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Unsettled

At first, I was a little unsettled by her answer. What did she mean, if there is no victim, then there is no crime? People had witnessed the hit-and-run occur. Someone had done something wrong, and there should be consequences. Of course, there was a crime! Yet, despite my efforts to encourage the patient to report the accident, the patient’s response remained very calm, saying the truck was old, had been through its fair share of rough encounters, and this was just another part of its unique story.

A Coaching Conversation 

Fast forward a week to another conversation. This time, a coaching conversation. We reflected on soundtracks that my inner voice has been playing for years … I am not worthy to be seen, I am not enough, my autoimmune condition limits me, etc. My inner voice whispered to me that if I played small and out of sight, then I would remain safe from being judged, overlooked, or feeling like a failure.

 "If there is no victim, then there is no crime."

As if jolted back in time, I was reminded of my conversation with the Salem Police non-emergency dispatcher. "If there is no victim, then there is no crime." By listening to my gremlin messages, I am allowing myself to become a victim of my circumstances. Could it be that I am the one turning situations into a “crime” simply because I perceive myself as the victim? How many times have I robbed myself of joy, relationships, or peace simply because I succumbed to the thoughts that I did not have control over my circumstances, over my autoimmune condition, over my job, etc?

A Different Lens

As I continue to reflect, I truly feel as though I see the world through a different lens. Although I have done immense work over the years to grieve, accept, and then find gratitude for the person I have become throughout the ups and downs of my life, especially my autoimmune journey, this is yet another puzzle piece in my story. A reminder that I can choose how I see my circumstances. I can see events as opportunities in which I am an active participant.

It is no longer about managing the disappointments, the stressors, or the soundtracks that tell me I am not enough. Instead, truly believing that there is only a crime if I play the part of the victim, I, in essence, removed my problem. I no longer feel at the mercy of the world around me … to my chronic health condition, to my boss that frustrates me, or any other situation that doesn’t “go my way.” Instead, I am free to choose my own story. 

In what ways are you showing up as a victim?

Victim to your thoughts of self-doubt, victim to the feeling that you can’t change your situation, victim to your health condition, or victim to the choices of others? Maybe today you can take the time to see yourself through a new lens. As someone who is not only conscious of recognizing opportunities, but also empowered to choose the lens that paves the way for you to step into your purpose and the life you desire. 

So, my friend, here is your get out of jail free card …

It starts with a Discovery Call where you get me up to speed and I give you the perspective and feedback you need to realize that change is possible and so WORTH IT!

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Author Bio: 

About Allison: I am a coach, communicator, and champion of people. I love helping others grow, whether it is through self-awareness, personal development, or just being a sounding board. Having walked my own chronic illness journey the past 10 years, I have a huge heart for others walking a similar path. I know the heartbreak of losing myself to my illness and the grit it takes to pick up the pieces by choosing how I want to show up in my own life. Although I wouldn’t have chosen my autoimmune journey, it was the catalyst for who I am now, for which I have become truly grateful. As I work to wrap up my professional coaching certification, I cannot wait to keep creating spaces where people feel seen, supported, and empowered to be their best selves. For me, it is all about connection, growth, and helping others discover the confidence to own their unique story and move forward with purpose. [email protected]